The Heroin Diaries Read online

  THE HEROIN DIARIES

  POCKET BOOKS,

  a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

  1230 Avenue of the Americas,

  New York, NY 10020

  Copyright © 2007 by Nikki Sixx

  “Welcome to My Nightmare” copyright 1975 Sony/ATV Songs LLC, Ezra Music, Early Frost Music Corp. All rights on behalf of Sony/ATV Songs LLC and Ezra Music administered by Sony/ATV Music Publishing, 8 Music Square West, Nashville, TN 37203. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

  MTV Music Television and all related titles, logos, and characters are trademarks of MTV Networks, a division of Viacom International Inc.

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Pocket Books, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020

  ISBN-13: 978-1-84739-614-3

  ISBN-10: 1-84739-614-3

  POCKET and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

  Visit us on the World Wide Web:

  www.simonsays.co.uk

  This book and journey is

  dedicated to all the alcoholics

  and drug addicts who have had the

  courage to face their demons

  and to pass on the message

  that there is hope and light

  at the end of the tunnel.

  I never thought Nikki Sixx would live beyond third Mötley Crüe People like me, Bowie John were professional than us–he used needles, which we never Nikki went further Jim Morrison well and lot of him. When Jim weren’t shocked because shocked that he had the album. and Elton abusers but we dared to do. I knew Nikki reminded me a died at twenty-seven, he had died; we were got that far in the first place.

  —Alice Cooper

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I would like to extend a huge French kiss and a super-sized thank you to the players who had the moxie to tell their side of this dark and sometimes tasteless story. In not knowing whether the outcome would be spectacular or disastrous, you still rose to the challenge without fear. Your insight and truth helped create this book, which I hope paints a fuller picture of addiction.

  To Ian, who hounded, pushed and coaxed me to stay on the path of truth and discovery, and who did thankless hours of research and interviews to fill in the gaps in my scribblings. Thank you, Ian. Your talent and passion speak volumes in this book.

  And to those of you who didn’t have the balls or courage to return calls or emails, or out and out just lied and said “OK” but then went underground thinking being in this book might “tarnish your image.” It’s clearer to me now more than ever why you are who you are in life–and that is simply spineless.

  CONTENTS

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  A SHORT MEDICAL DICTIONARY

  A SHORT ALTERNATIVE MEDICAL DICTIONARY WITH DR. LEMUEL PILLMEISTER

  KEY PLAYERS IN THESE TORRID TALES (OTHERWISE KNOWN AS PARTNERS-IN-CRIME)

  INTRODUCTION

  MERRY CHRISTMAS, WELL, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SAY AT CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?

  ONE COULD SAY THAT I’VE BEEN HAVING A 10CC LOVE AFFAIR

  WHEN I’M LOSING MY MIND, THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE ME IS HEROIN.

  BLOOD WAS SPURTING ALL OVER THE CLOSET…AND I WAS JUST SLAMMING THE DRUGS ANYPLACE UNDER MY SKIN PRAYING THEY WOULD TAKE THE PAIN AWAY…

  DOES MY ILLNESS HANG DFE DF ME LIKE A FUCKING SMELL?

  HE ASKED ME TO GET ON MY KNEES AND PRAY TO GOD TO LOSE THIS OBSESSION WITH DRUGS

  MAYBE HAVING THESE DEALERS FOLLOW US IS A BAD IDEA

  A HEAD-ON COLLISION WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN YET I WAS TOO STUBBORN TO TAKE A HINT

  THIS HAS BECOME THE AIRPORT BLOWOOB TOUR

  PRETTY GOOD SHOW CONSIDERING THE SQUIRRELS AND ICE CREAM TRUCKS

  I’M OVER DRUGS AND I KNOW THEY'RE OVER ME…

  DRUGS MAKE IT BETTER-DRUGS MAKE IT WORSE

  P.S. I DIDN’T TELL ANYBODY I SCORED A BALLOON OF PERSIAN

  …HE SAYS IF YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR WAYS YOU WONT LIVE UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR

  THAT'S NOT VERY ROCK 'N' ROLL, IS IT?

  A Short Medical Dictionary

  Definitions from wikipedia.org

  addiction (-dk'shn) n.

  A compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its consequences. A person who is addicted is sometimes called an addict.

  The term addiction describes a chronic pattern of behavior that continues despite the direct or indirect adverse consequences that result from engaging in the behavior. It is quite common for an addict to express the desire to stop the behavior, but find himself unable to cease. Addiction is often characterized by a craving for more of the drug or behavior, increased physiological tolerance to exposure and withdrawal symptoms in the absence of the stimulus. Many drugs and behaviors that provide either pleasure or relief from pain pose a risk of addiction or dependency.

  alcoholism (l'k-hô-lz'm,-h-) n.

  A term that describes the excessive, and often chronic, consumption of alcohol. Among the characteristics of alcoholism are compulsion and addiction. It can also be characterized as an illness or allergy, and many believe it to be a biological disease.

  cocaine (k-kn', k'kn') n.

  Cocaine is a crystalline tropane alkaloid that is obtained from the leaves of the coca plant. It is a stimulant of the central nervous system and an appetite suppressant, creating what has been described as a euphoric sense of happiness and increased energy. Cocaine is highly addictive, and its possession, cultivation and distribution is illegal for non-medicinal/non-government-sanctioned purposes in virtually all parts of the world.

  depression (d-prsh'n) n.

  Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual’s social functioning and/or activities of daily living. Although a mood characterized by sadness is often colloquially referred to as depression, clinical depression is something more than just a temporary state of sadness. Symptoms lasting two weeks or longer, and of a severity that begins to interfere with typical social functioning and /or activities of daily living, are considered to constitute clinical depression.

  Clinical depression affects about 16 percent of the population on at least one occasion in their lives. The mean age of onset, from a number of studies, is in the late twenties. Clinical depression is currently the leading cause of disability in the United States as well as in other countries, and is expected to become the second leading cause of disability worldwide (after heart disease) by the year 2020.

  heroin (hr'-n) n.

  A semi-synthetic opioid. It is the 3.6-diacetyl derivative of morphine (hence diacetylmorphine) and is synthesized from it by acetylation. The white crystalline form is commonly the hydrochloride salt, diacetylmorphine hydrochloride. It is highly addictive when compared to other substances. A few of the popular street names for heroin include dope, diesel, smack, scag and H.

  psychosis (s-k'ss) n.

  A generic psychiatric term for a mental state in which thought and perception are severely impaired. Persons experiencing a psychotic episode may experience hallucinations, hold delusional beliefs (e.g., paranoid delusions), demonstrate personality changes and exhibit disorganized thinking. This is often accompanied by lack of insight into the unusual or bizarre nature of such behavior, difficulties with social interaction and impairments in carrying out the activities of daily living. A psychotic episode is often described as involving a “loss of contact with reality.”

  A SHORT ALTERNATIVE MEDICAL DICTIONARY

  DEFINITIONS COURTESY OF DR. LEMUEL PILLMEISTER (also known as Lemmy)

  ADDICTION

  When you can give up something anytime, as long as it’s next Tuesday.

  ALCOHO
LISM

  A habit that helps you to see the iguanas in your eyeballs.

  COCAINE

  Peruvian Marching Powder–a stimulant that has the extraordinary effect that the more you do, the more you laugh out of context.

  DEPRESSION

  When everything you laugh at is miserable and you can’t seem to stop.

  HEROIN

  A drug that helps you to escape reality, while making it much harder to cope when you are recaptured.

  PSYCHOSIS

  When everybody turns into tiny dolls and they have needles in their mouths and they hate you and you don’t care because you have THE KNIFE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  KEY PLAYERS IN THESE TORRID TALES (OTHERWISE KNOWN AS PARTNERS-IN-CRIME)

  NIKKI SIXX

  “The dying could be easy…it was the living that I didn’t know if I could do…”

  Founder, chief songwriter and bassist for Mötley Crüe, assiduous diary keeper and the antihero of this tale. A man who was so hooked on heroin and cocaine that he had to die twice before he began to contemplate a more positive lifestyle.

  TOMMY LEE

  “We all went to that dark fucking place at various times—but Nikki seemed to like it there more than any of us.”

  A.K.A. T-Bone. Mötley Crüe’s drummer and Nikki’s Toxic Twin, a fellow narcotics adventurer who shared all of Nikki’s ’80s addictions–except heroin.

  VINCE NEIL

  “Nikki was spending a lot of time shooting up in the bathroom during the Girls sessions, and that suited me fine–it was the perfect time for me to record my vocals.”

  The singer of Nikki’s lyrics in Mötley Crüe, and a man who spent most of the ’80s hating the guts of his band’s songwriter and bassist. The feeling was mutual.

  MICK MARS

  “When I heard Nikki was dead, my first reaction was, ‘I knew that fucking prick was going to do something like that!’”

  Unassuming and reclusive Mötley Crüe guitarist who was forced to accept that his role in life was to be bullied, persecuted and abused by his vindictive band mates.

  DEANA RICHARDS

  “You never imagine your own family will plot against you to steal your son.”

  Nikki’s mother who endured an agonizingly long estrangement from her son after his troubled and turbulent childhood.

  CECI CONER

  “Nikki was rude, full of himself, he just crushed me so many times…he was an asshole.”

  Once adoring little sister of Nikki who accepts that their particular in-family dynamic was “maybe not your average sibling relationship.”

  TOM REESE

  “I went to stay with Nikki once or twice, and the way of life he had was not to my liking.”

  Nikki’s maternal grandfather who, together with his late wife, Nona, looked after Nikki in Idaho for long periods of his youth.

  DOC MCGHEE

  “As a parting joke I’d said to Nikki, ‘Don’t send us any girls in Nazi helmets and Gestapo boots,’ and he must have thought I meant it because they turned up in helmets but not the boots.”

  Former Mötley Crüe co-manager who described the physical violence he sometimes meted out to his troublesome charges as “Full Contact Management.”

  DOUG THALER

  “Nikki showed me some gummy black substance he had that he claimed was some kind of exotic cocaine that he was going to snort. I thought, Good luck snorting a gummy substance!”

  Partner to Doc McGhee, and a man resigned to receiving early-hour phone calls from Nikki informing him that there were “Mexicans and midgets” in the bassist’s garden.

  EVANGELIST DENISE MATTHEWS

  “I don’t answer to Vanity. I would much rather be a fish stuck in a pond with a starving shark than take on such a foul name of nothingness.”

  The Artist Formerly Known As Vanity. Former Prince pop protégée and girlfriend who turned her affections to her on-again, off-again fiancé Nikki and to freebase cocaine before finding God and becoming a born-again preacher.

  TON ZUTAUT

  “Nikki told her he wasn’t scared by a little bit of blood and proceeded to have intercourse with her right there.”

  Elektra Records A&R man who signed Mötley Crüe to the label and suffered the indignity of watching Nikki have sex with his girlfriend three minutes after he formally introduced them.

  FRED SAUNDERS

  “I hit Mötley a lot. I once broke Tommy’s nose in Indiana, I broke Nikki’s ribs and I beat the shit out of Vince many times, because…well, because he’s an asshole.”

  Former Hells Angel, supplier of Ace in the Hole and the head of security on numerous Mötley Crüe world tours.

  BOB TIMMONS

  “Cocaine gave Nikki acute paranoia and hallucinations. One night he called me and asked me to get the police over to his house right away because there were little men with helmets and guns in the trees surrounding his house.”

  Former junkie turned drugs counselor to the stars who fought countless valiant but losing battles to have Nikki admitted to rehab.

  SLASH

  “I hung out with Nikki and I found a sickening allure in his lifestyle. My junkie years were dirty and sordid, but Nikki seemed to me to have found a cool, glamorous way to be a junkie.”

  Guns N’ Roses guitarist and the “little brother that Nikki never had” during G N’ R’s infamous 1987 tour of the Deep South with Mötley Crüe.

  SALLY McLAUGHLIN

  “Slash was paralytic and Nikki was turning blue.”

  Former girl friend of Slash who moved from Scotland to Los Angeles in 1987 and spent her first day in the city saving Nikki’s life.

  KAREN DUMONT

  “When I moved to Los Angeles I was told not to even talk to Mötley Crüe because they were trouble.”

  Record company employee who took her work responsibilities so seriously that she moved into Nikki’s house to try to keep him alive.

  BOB MICHAELS

  “Once or twice I left my pipe out on the counter and, when I wasn’t looking, Nikki sprinkled heroin in it.”

  Friend, neighbor and occasional companion in Nikki’s rock ’n’ roll misadventures.

  ROSS HALFIN

  “I always said that Tommy should have married Nikki because if they were gay they would be the ideal gay couple–made in Heaven.”

  British photographer who has photographed Mötley Crüe for nearly twenty years and still thinks Nikki is a “likable, selfish, paranoid control freak.”

  JASON BRYCE

  “Nikki phoned down to reception and said, ‘Look, I’m Nikki Sixx, I need a bottle of JD now and I will give you a thousand bucks for it.’ They just told him, ‘Sir, go to bed. You’ve had enough.’”

  Callow British teenager who went on the road with Mötley Crüe as a boy and returned as a man.

  BRYN BRIDENTHAL

  “One of the early things Nikki used to do was set himself on fire during interviews.”

  Mötley Crüe publicist who knew nothing about heroin in the ’80s but today, having worked with Nirvana and Courtney Love, is much better informed.

  TIM LUZZI

  “On my first day, Nikki came into the studio with a black eye, having spent the night in a police cell. That pretty much set the tone for what was to follow.”

  Nikki’s bass tech for ten years, an occupation that occasionally involved enforced Jack Daniel’s drinking while garbed in the robes of a priest.

  JOEY SCOPERM

  “Tommy pulled his cock out and started banging it against the desk.”

  Canadian record company executive who, as a young DJ named Joey Vendetta, hosted one of the most outrageous radio interviews in rock ’n’ roll history.

  WAYNE ISHAM

  “Nikki always had the Devil’s wiseass smile in his eyes. I guess that’s why he always wore sunglasses.”

  Director of scores of award-winning music videos by the likes of Mötley Crüe, Ozzy Osbourne, Metallica, Britney Spears and Nikki’s personal favorite, Bon fucking
Jovi.

  ALLEN KOVAC

  “Nikki Sixx may never win a Grammy because the industry does not always judge on talent, but he deserves many.”

  Head of Los Angeles–based Tenth Street Management and current manager of Mötley Crüe who helped to negotiate their escape from Elektra Records.

  SYLVIA RHONE

  “Do I want to take part in this book? I really don’t feel that would be appropriate.”

  Former CEO of Elektra Records who figured Mötley Crüe was spent in the late ’90s and sold them the master tapes to their albums.

  RICK NIELSEN

  “Nikki Sixx was a big teddy bear with a nice smile. He could barely play the bass, mind you, but that never stopped Gene Simmons.”

  Cheap Trick guitarist and Nikki’s boyhood hero, friend and occasional touring and drinking companion.

  BOB ROCK

  “Nikki and Tommy decided to dress as Canadian lumber jacks.…They put on lumberjack shirts and false mustaches…”

  A-list rock producer of Mötley’s Dr. Feelgood and Mötley Crüe albums, plus records by Aerosmith, Metallica, Bryan Adams and Bon Jovi.